Influx

±

2010-01-15T23:05:00.000-05:00

"I want you to be happy."

tracklist

2009-12-29T23:17:00.004-05:00

they said, they said

2009-11-16T19:54:00.003-05:00

presence: body, chaos, girl, guide, hacker, hero, madman, shame

interacts with: ambush, bosom, chosen, flute, focus, grass, mercy, movie, poor, prey

periphery: anonymity, exhaustion, numerology, psychology, satisfaction, sensuality

janus's blind spot

2009-11-07T20:58:00.003-05:00

selena’s screaming
jamie’s sighing
nami’s choking
lite is silent
chaos

pause

2009-11-07T19:46:00.004-05:00

no
no
no
no

i'm scared

( )

2009-10-28T16:27:00.000-04:00

it rained today

Dispatch

2009-10-22T19:42:00.000-04:00

I can hear the windows minimaximizing with my headphones on.
My camera's colour settings are on monochrome.
The pen's almost run out and my mouth is full of cracked pepper.

I can time-travel.

How nice.
How nice.

Question

2009-10-21T21:49:00.004-04:00

lol, narcissism

2009-10-19T21:12:00.007-04:00

once up on a time
there was a girl
on a clock tick tock tick (boom!)
who had her eyes all tangled in her hair
and pretty hands and pretty fingers
that gunfire-typed in all lowercase letters
because she thought it fit.
she still thinks it does
because she's quiet and unobtrusive like that.

she was very vague and uninteresting.

she ate flowers
that her classmates got from their boyfriends
because she wanted something pretty and lurid like a sunset
in her gut coughing up memes and it went like
omnomnomena
omnomatopoeia

every part in every play in every universe

lol, narcissism
this is not a poem
this is a ramble.

okay my head hurts i'm going back to sleep now.

Cloud

2009-10-10T23:42:00.005-04:00

Insomnia

2009-09-29T21:37:00.000-04:00

ελληνικά I

2009-09-28T14:16:00.006-04:00

κρύπτειν θάνατος.
ὁ θάνατος τὸ θεατρον.
ψευδα τὸ πάσχειν άλγος.
νάρκε βαπύς τάφος.

Last night I had a dream that went like this

2009-09-21T16:10:00.007-04:00

yellow roses spinning open mechanical
bishie steampunk sparkle she said this is the boundary and I have crossed it
she said they know they know the life she leads the mask is more sensitive than
the skin and the nerves and the 07.2 dorm room dark
early morning anime rice paper wall brown hair big eyes sunlight
sunlite

She says hi

Holy fuck
Everything
Eye cells and nerve cells and neurons and fingernails and muscle and bone and nothing cells and oh my god everything is so amazing because I think I feel something and I really like it and drinking the very elixir of life from the open window but it's okay to die of happiness and it's okay to die of unhappiness and there's so many things I don't have heart trouble oh no I don't and look look look I am moving and everything is moving and

They're playing a song now, and I can feel all the notes going through my eyes and reactions and reactions and re-actions and I can't stop looking and even as I'm drowning I'm drinking in everything and everything and I'm feeling kind of faint and things are going hazy but it's a pretty kind, like the fog around a quarter to seven this morning, the grass was just being set on fire and I was freezing to death

I'm a fool
I'll talk with you later
I just wanted to make a record before it's all gone

Cycle Day One

2009-09-08T22:00:00.000-04:00

Have to keep going.
I have to keep going.
And it'll be okay.
Please.

ἀλήθεια

2009-09-06T20:26:00.000-04:00

i got a letter in the mail today

2009-09-01T14:11:00.000-04:00

to ___

here are the candles and here is the blazéd
light. what are you waiting for? light it up, light it up.
you told me you wanted a way to fly?
well, here’s how to fall!
they’re really the same thing if you think about it too long…

no. forget all of that.

your wings are on fire and your hands are on fire
your mouth is burning rubber and you're trying and you're trying to make
the world more than just a broken dream,
more than just a vast maze of theories.
you are living in theory. you are living in theory. and i'm asking you
why can't
you just
live?

i'm telling you this:
open your eyes and empty your mind.
make your art the most beautiful crime.
run through the city streets screaming
leave the headlights burning
if only for a moment
make me remember
if only for a moment
make me believe.

the point is to leave a mark
the point is to create
the point is to destroy
the point is to feel alive

now.

life is more than just waking up and going to work every day.

don’t let me down.

from ___

Tonight

2009-08-30T21:21:00.000-04:00

...marks a good while since I lost my mynd. Tonight
I cannot bring back the dead. Tonight
I don't know anything
and I am afraid.

(And I'm ashamed of this. But it isn't anything I haven't done before.
"I hate who I am!" but not enough. It's never enough.
Never.)

Excuse me. I'm going to take a cold shower and see if I make any sense upon returning.

MN

2009-08-27T17:41:00.002-04:00

DeMoNstrate to me the MoNsters in my MeMory.

How

2009-08-27T16:16:00.001-04:00

And this is what we've spent half our lives teaching ourselves:
How to burn yourself baking cookies on a slow summer day. How to kiss someone just so in a dead alleyway, how to find the people inside of you, how to break your own heart, how to hate and how to love. How to run and scream until you have nothing left on your back but your mind. What a burden. Poor child! Turn it off. Turn it off.

Or turn it up.

You can turn it up and say you have no problem with masochism.
You can turn it up and say there's nothing wrong. That you're gone gone gone.
You can turn it up say you don't want to be happy.
Strangely enough, you won't be believed.

The Three Functions of Smiling
1. Startling people
2. Expressing joy
3. Dissembling

[title]

2009-08-21T10:28:00.001-04:00

I wish I knew how to write.

Corner

2009-08-19T13:28:00.000-04:00

And everything was darkrush bright
Except for you and me and the city lights --
Eyes wide and reeling, mind blank, soul pure
Alive, alive, alive.

Awake / Alive

2009-08-19T10:47:00.000-04:00

CTY.
That is all.

Mango Street.

2009-07-11T12:00:00.000-04:00

And you know what?
I'm not going to look out the window anymore.
I'm going to jump.

Catch me if you can.

Punch break.

2009-07-11T10:45:00.000-04:00

dreams flying down the banisters
black umbrellas in the rain
the voices in the basement say
i've been up
for days.

and i have been.
you know that feeling?
when you're too scared to go where your head went?
and a hundred thousand million gods i'm not sure i believe in
watching.
i've killed them all. a simple matter of rising mercury
and leaning in all the times it felt right. (total of ten.)
what's left now?

so strange, sleepwalking through crowds.
through clouds of sound and skin and nerve endings
and never
touching.

i'm going to break the edges open
and watch everything run dark.
it's not much of a thrill.

yesterday i learned how to waltz
we fumbled in the light
blind and going by rhythm
by where the silence took us
by where the metal met grass
and occasionally eyes
one two three one two three

my hands are empty
and my eyes are full.

rain reminds me of you.

One two three, one two three.

2009-07-11T10:43:00.000-04:00

I still believe. I still believe
in grass, in the magics of cold medicine, in breath that lingers. I believe
in broken camera eyes and I believe
it's taken months for me to figure out
that there isn't anything to figure out.
Not anymore at least.
Catching bloody moths and butterflies.

And we can fly if we open our heads wide enough. If we open our heads wide awake
To catch every saving grace and written word.

There are thousands of men
crawling up your throat, flitting through your lungs
feeling the gaps in your rib-cage and getting
shocked
blistered
burned
with molten wires, melting spines,
echoing a heartbeat,
Coathanger wings welded to the bone.
Beat a pulse through your veins.
And you know what?
I'm not going to look out the window anymore.
I'm going to jump.

Flying = falling
Falling = flying

Coins.

2009-07-08T22:22:00.000-04:00

Did you not have the strength?
The pocket change?
Or were you afraid
of what you wanted?

That time.

2009-06-30T19:00:00.000-04:00

(Full view, pretty please.)

Lifeline.

2009-06-13T16:19:00.000-04:00

Verticality. Try not to slip. Somewhere in between freedom and a prison. Remember?
We would transfer to Grand Central back in November, December, alive from the snow. The letters we traced in the ice, the summer that melted out of our mouths. Getting lost at Port Authority and asking if I could hold your hand. Dripping with the walk and the speakers. The steel trains. It took us, what, half an hour to be found again, underground gold, and remember how I ended up kissing five people that night, and you too?
Was I a fool?
Would you do it again?

This.

2009-06-10T12:54:00.000-04:00

I don't know! I don't know any more than you do!

Name. (The Obvious)

2009-06-09T00:01:00.001-04:00

I am artificial. I am fluorescent. I am blinding, guiding, glaring, burning.
I am a half-irony. I am a stolen song. I am ink leaking through the skin-cracks.
I am nothing. I am everything.
And I'm going to break your heart.

Greased Lightbox

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Exception.

2009-06-06T20:54:00.000-04:00

Am I close at all?

Whole.

2009-05-26T11:31:00.000-04:00

05.09.09

2009-05-10T16:38:00.000-04:00

Birds, hemp, stars. Three ways to fly or fall.

Obligatory introduction post.

2009-05-05T04:44:00.000-04:00

I am.
And you can't stop me.